The Danganronpa Community is seeing some activity!

[usononikki]

I'm very excited to see that, even if it is just a small handful of members. I know it's mostly from Tumblr, as recently there's been that new scare going around about the possibility of it going down. I don't really know how to feel about it myself, but I hope the community here will continue to grow even if Tumblr doesn't go down. I think it would be nice to have this special little corner and actually have more friends to know this tucked away little corner of myself.

That isn't to say I'm not a little nervous, though.

Since most of these people are coming from Tumblr, they've naturally figured out who I am over there. I don't exactly hide it here, but I very much do not want this place to become public knowledge being circulated on Tumblr. This is primarily because of an ongoing situation I have with a cyberstalker over there. Dreamwidth is the one place that I know for a fact is untainted, because I have never once mentioned I had one in the public sphere.

I have never and will never broadcast my Dreamwidth account on Tumblr, and I want all of my new subscribers here who came from Tumblr to respect that.

Anyone is free to spread the word about danganronpa_alumni itself—it is a public community, after all, and I'm happy to see more people join and engage! But please, keep my name out of it if you do. Especially my Tumblrs if you know them. I don't want to have to start restricting Access on all of my personal posts, and feel paranoid about vetting every one of my subscribers to make sure they're safe to grant Access. This place is suppose to be safe for me. I'd like to keep it that way.

Anyway, it's been a hot minute since the last time I took the time to write a personal post. I've been so caught up in trying to keep up with the fic event that it's kind of worn me out and I haven't had the energy to think much—or feel much, for that matter. Under the surface, though, I've been having a whole slew of feelings, and I think it was the primary cause of the crash and burn I had a couple days ago.

Some of it has been Ouma identity issues, to be expected when literally all I've been writing is Ouma whump hell.

I dunno, I've been getting dysphoria lately and even the tiniest things about it bother me. I've been in a hangar mood, and so, so small, for no reason in particular. I'm masking harder because that's the typical knee-jerk Ouma reaction to anything. It's easier even if it hurts, because it prevents more problems from cropping up, y'know? But really I'm just in that mood to lay on the press and stare at the ceiling.

Maybe I should write another installment of that to vent, I dunno.

Part of it might be the DnD campaign I've joined, which isn't to say I don't like it. I really, really do like it. It's been super cathartic, because I've been playing Kokichi in it, and I've built him very much in the same way I operate a lot of the time. It's a horror campaign with age regression at the crux, too, so maybe that's why I've been feeling so small. It's kind of become the thing I've most been waiting for all week at this point.

At the moment, I—Kokichi, that is, but it pretty much is me, so I digress—have gotten myself in a bit of a pinch with a shady character and magical brainwashing with a side of grooming and themes of cult indoctrination, which is frankly terrifying on account I was actually in a cult once. Very scary, very cathartic, I'm here for it, but good god is that scary.

Also I think I've been tapping on accident during sessions on a past life front, which is even scarier. Don't worry about it. I'm not wrestling with the trauma and implications that having this be a past life may present. That's a lie.

I miss Papa...

Who said that?

The DM's worldbuilding and setup is phenomenal. That's all I'm gonna say. The identity euphoria of playing Kokichi there is like heroin.

Kurokichi