[Fic] Crayons in the Night Sky

They were still common, even now, the nightmares.

Memories of darkness and pain and a crushing anxiety and loneliness the likes of which he had never thought possible. Of scary monsters lurking in every corner with hundreds of eyes that watched him. Scrutinized him. Of strangers who never knew him and never cared to know him staring him down as he backed into the maw of a mechanical beast, engulfing him with a deafening whir until—

Kokichi woke with a choked, startled gasp on air he shouldn't need.

The hospital room was dark, and eerily quiet with no heart monitor to fill the silence. His lungs were tight as he wheezed through the oxygen mask—a superficial remedy for a deeper, incurable ailment. His entire body ached, and his head was a soupy, discombobulated mess. He whined, blearily pawing at the uncomfortable mask, tears clinging to his eyes.

He sniffled, then coughed when his lungs refused to cooperate, then choked out a stifled sob as the tears spilled over. It was hard to think, it hurt too much, everything was so big and he just a tiny, frail thing. It was lonely. He curled up the best he could, clutching the purple jacket he refused to take off more tightly around him.

It was so cold, being dead.

"Koko...?"

So caught up in his upset, Kokichi hadn't even noticed the presence beside him. Toto-nii groggily reached out to wrap an arm around him, pulling him back against his chest. Kokichi let him, feeling the gentle pressure of the embrace. The tears kept coming, and he shakily tried to wipe them away.

Kokichi tried to ignore that the embrace wasn't as warm as it should be.

"Hey, what's wrong, bud...?" His voice was heavy with sleep. He yawned. "You have a bad dream?"

"U-uh-huh..." Kokichi nodded. Laying on his side like he was, the mask on his face pressed uncomfortably into the pillow. He whined and pawed at it, shoving it off. What'd it matter if it hurt to breathe? He shouldn't need to breathe in the first place. It was dumb. Everything was dumb. And hurt. And wasn't fair.

"Hey now, don't do that," Toto-nii gently chastised him. More awake now, he propped himself up on one elbow to reach around and fix the mask. "You need that for your lungs."

"Don' wan' it, Toto-nii!" Kokichi bawled. Stuck with his back to Toto-nii, he couldn't even hide away in his chest. He had no strength to turn himself around. Instead, he pushed Toto-nii's hand with the mask away and curled up more, burying his face in his hands. "Don' wan' it, don' wan' it, don' wan' it!"

He couldn't take it anymore. Couldn't take the hurt and the fog in his head and the cold and it was dark and scary and everyone kept trying to give him medicine to make it hurt less but it made the foggy head more so he didn't wanna and he could barely move and he couldn't breathe and he couldn't think and the itchy mask was just the last straw!

And then Toto-nii's arms were securely around his trembling shoulders again, and Kokichi could feel the faint puff of his breath in his hair.

"You wanna go stargazing?" he asked softly.

Kokichi wiped his tears again and nodded.

The hospital was nearly empty, practically for show, so sneaking out wasn't the most difficult thing in the world. Kokichi couldn't walk, but that was little issue for the great Luminary of the Stars, who made sure the small boy was securely bundled up in his jacket before hoisting him onto his back. Kokichi draped his arms over Toto-nii's shoulders, sleepily resting his cheek against his back as they snuck through the dim halls.

It was cold, just like Kokichi was, and lacked the gentle tempo of a heart, just like Kokichi did. But that was okay, because it was Toto-nii, and if Kokichi closed his eyes, the sway and pace of his steps felt almost like a heartbeat.

A kind lie.

The sky was clear and the grassy hill the hospital was on was soft. Toto-nii gently lowered Kokichi to the ground so he could sprawl out on his jacket, then sat down to join him a moment later. Together they looked at the stars and Toto-nii told Kokichi stories about how they were formed and the ways they gathered in sweeping galaxies. The stars here were different than the ones they knew, but a lot more real than the projected screen of that dark, scary place.

Toto-nii talked about how, when they got better enough to leave the hospital, he wanted to study the new stars here. Kokichi wanted to hear the stories Toto-nii would tell about them, too.

For better or for worse, they were out of there. They were here now, and if nothing else, they were together.

Kokichi could doze off again with Toto-nii's words reassuring him of that.