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[Fic] Comfort in Capgras
Saturday, 22 March 2025 12:01The first time, they’d fooled him.
The second time, too, and maybe the third and fourth and fifth and sixth… Kokichi had honestly lost count. He hadn’t known any better. He was so little the first few times, and didn’t understand at all.
“Kokichi?”
Ignorant to the impermanence.
“C’mon, Koko, where’d you go?”
But Kokichi was four and a half now.
“Stop hiding from Papa.”
His Papa was gone, and this was an imposter.
Even now, it startled him every time. He would round a corner in the hall, and there he would be with open arms, and Kokichi would forget for half a second that Papa was never coming back. Everything about them was eerily similar. The eyes, the voice, the warmth. Or maybe it was just that the memories had faded as he’d grown.
You don’t remember much of anything when you’re just a baby, do you?
Kokichi covered his mouth to muffle his breathing as the heavy thunk of footsteps trailed by the cupboard. He’d gotten real good at hide and seek, squeezing himself between towering cans of hoarded food. One had a picture of sliced beef on the side, and the idea of dinnertime made him gag.
That’s when they’d shown up. He was hiding from dinner again.
“Don’t you miss me?”
Kokichi’s chest tightened.
He missed Papa. Of course he missed Papa! Papa and Mama both. He wanted them back more than anything in the world.
Maybe if they were here, Nee-nee would cry less. They were grownups! They could protect her better than he could, from her mean friends who pushed her around so much. Why did they do that? Kokichi still didn’t understand. Maybe they needed a grownup to tell them that it was wrong to be mean to your friends.
Maybe then they would be mean to him less, too.
“I miss you, Koko,” Papa—the not-Papa—said somberly. “Don’t you want a hug from your Papa?”
He wanted his Papa, he wanted his Papa so badly. Carefully, Kokichi pushed the cupboard door open just a crack to peek outside. There he was, bigger and rounder than Kokichi remembered, but still so undeniably Papa despite everything Kokichi knew telling him that it was not Papa. He gazed about the room, looking under tables and behind boxes as if they were only playing a game together. It was just a game to him.
Did that make it less scary?
“If you come out, Papa will give you a big hug and make it all better, alright? Then you and me and your Nee-nee can all have dinner together as a family. Wouldn’t that be nice?”
That would be nice. It would be so, so nice. Kokichi sniffled, rubbing at his eyes. It wasn’t Papa, though. It wasn’t real. It was a lie. It wasn’t Papa. Papa was gone and he was never coming back. Kokichi knew this. It was a lie and he would wake up tomorrow and Papa would be gone again without a trace because it never was Papa. Not this time, not any time Papa had come since Nee-nee brought Kokichi here.
“And then you can have your bath and Papa can help you get ready for bed. I’ll tell you a bedtime story, any story you’d like, and I’ll be right there until you fall asleep. How does that sound, Kokichi?”
He would be alone again and he would cry and Nee-nee would pet his hair so gently all while cruelly tell him not to be so silly to think Papa was coming back, just to see him cry more. It was a lie. A lie! And yet…
The cupboard door banged open as Kokichi clamored out, clumsily knocking cans over to spill and roll across the floor as he ran with teary eyes to bawl into his Papa’s arms.
"Papaaaaaaaaa...!"
Maybe Kokichi needed a kind lie right now.
The second time, too, and maybe the third and fourth and fifth and sixth… Kokichi had honestly lost count. He hadn’t known any better. He was so little the first few times, and didn’t understand at all.
“Kokichi?”
Ignorant to the impermanence.
“C’mon, Koko, where’d you go?”
But Kokichi was four and a half now.
“Stop hiding from Papa.”
His Papa was gone, and this was an imposter.
Even now, it startled him every time. He would round a corner in the hall, and there he would be with open arms, and Kokichi would forget for half a second that Papa was never coming back. Everything about them was eerily similar. The eyes, the voice, the warmth. Or maybe it was just that the memories had faded as he’d grown.
You don’t remember much of anything when you’re just a baby, do you?
Kokichi covered his mouth to muffle his breathing as the heavy thunk of footsteps trailed by the cupboard. He’d gotten real good at hide and seek, squeezing himself between towering cans of hoarded food. One had a picture of sliced beef on the side, and the idea of dinnertime made him gag.
That’s when they’d shown up. He was hiding from dinner again.
“Don’t you miss me?”
Kokichi’s chest tightened.
He missed Papa. Of course he missed Papa! Papa and Mama both. He wanted them back more than anything in the world.
Maybe if they were here, Nee-nee would cry less. They were grownups! They could protect her better than he could, from her mean friends who pushed her around so much. Why did they do that? Kokichi still didn’t understand. Maybe they needed a grownup to tell them that it was wrong to be mean to your friends.
Maybe then they would be mean to him less, too.
“I miss you, Koko,” Papa—the not-Papa—said somberly. “Don’t you want a hug from your Papa?”
He wanted his Papa, he wanted his Papa so badly. Carefully, Kokichi pushed the cupboard door open just a crack to peek outside. There he was, bigger and rounder than Kokichi remembered, but still so undeniably Papa despite everything Kokichi knew telling him that it was not Papa. He gazed about the room, looking under tables and behind boxes as if they were only playing a game together. It was just a game to him.
Did that make it less scary?
“If you come out, Papa will give you a big hug and make it all better, alright? Then you and me and your Nee-nee can all have dinner together as a family. Wouldn’t that be nice?”
That would be nice. It would be so, so nice. Kokichi sniffled, rubbing at his eyes. It wasn’t Papa, though. It wasn’t real. It was a lie. It wasn’t Papa. Papa was gone and he was never coming back. Kokichi knew this. It was a lie and he would wake up tomorrow and Papa would be gone again without a trace because it never was Papa. Not this time, not any time Papa had come since Nee-nee brought Kokichi here.
“And then you can have your bath and Papa can help you get ready for bed. I’ll tell you a bedtime story, any story you’d like, and I’ll be right there until you fall asleep. How does that sound, Kokichi?”
He would be alone again and he would cry and Nee-nee would pet his hair so gently all while cruelly tell him not to be so silly to think Papa was coming back, just to see him cry more. It was a lie. A lie! And yet…
The cupboard door banged open as Kokichi clamored out, clumsily knocking cans over to spill and roll across the floor as he ran with teary eyes to bawl into his Papa’s arms.
"Papaaaaaaaaa...!"
Maybe Kokichi needed a kind lie right now.
